Regurgitation

Lately, I have felt silenced and trapped. ┬áIndeed, I realize now that these are feelings that I have long had but only in the past few years have I felt empowered and knowledgable enough to release them. However, I cannot – at this time anyway – write the words and expose my truth in its pure, unadulterated form. It will take time and the right format for that. But I want – I feel I must – expose the very real emotional pain I have experienced as of late. I must make my reality a spotlight because that is what I have promised to do with this website – present my views and experiences of what it means to survive, thrive, and be real with disability. Living with disability entails a certain amount of silencing of our realities because to fully present these realities is not always safe, for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes, even though we cannot safely tell the details of the stories that would most clearly illustrate our pain, we must still express that pain – to release it, to spew forth the hurt, to acknowledge the truth and break the silence, if only partially, to take the power away from the pain and give it back to ourselves…again, if only partially. So I have chosen a slightly different medium and manner in which to present the feelings and experiences of my reality.

The video is embedded below, but if you cannot view it, please view it on YouTube here. Because the video is silent, other than the music that accompanies it, I have included a textual description below the embedded video.

In the video, I am flipping pages of a pad of paper with the following words written on them:

“Regurgitation” by Laura Overstreet

Ableism is…

Silencing…

Minimizing…

Dis-empowering…

Invisibility…

Burden…

FEAR…

Sympathy…

Pity…

Entitlement (of the able)…

Self-centeredness…

Inequality…

Unrealistic expectations…

WE are… SCREAMING inside

Invisible

Silently aching

Discouraged from exposing our truths

Negated & Denied

SO scared

Feared

Trapped, bound

Burdensome

Not acknowledged

WE are BEAUTIFUL.

But do YOU know it?

Do YOU silence US?

Do YOU rob US of control?

We are NOT the same

That’s OK

YOU could be US someday

Acknowledge difference

and power differences.

Witness OUR pain & truths

WE will witness YOURS.

11 Comment(s)

  1. You are amazing.

    Harold McNaron | Apr 18, 2011 | Reply

  2. Wow! This is raw and real. Keep it coming, Laura!

    Trisha Eaton | Apr 18, 2011 | Reply

  3. Your voice that resonates throughout this blog as you share your journey reminds me of the poem below. Thanks for sharing your reality in the ways that you do. Even in your pain there’s radiance.

    Mother Wisdom Speaks

    Some of you I will hollow out.
    I will make you a cave.
    I will make you so deep the stars will shine in your darkness.
    You will be a bowl.
    You will be the cup in the rock collecting rain.

    I will hollow you with knives.
    I will not do this to make you clean.
    I will not do this to make you pure.
    You are clean already.
    You are pure already.

    I will do this because the world needs the hollowness of you.
    I will do this for the space that you will be.
    I will do this because you must be large.

    A passage.
    People will find their way through you. A bowl.
    People will eat from you and their hunger will not weaken them unto death.
    A cup to catch the sacred rain.

    My daughter, do not cry. Do not be afraid.
    Nothing you need will be lost.
    I am shaping you.
    I am making you ready.

    Light will flow in your hollowing.
    You will be filled with light.
    Your bone will shine.

    The round, open center of you will be radiant.
    I will call you Brilliant One.
    I will call you Daughter who is wide.
    I will call you Transformed.

    By Christin Lore Weber

    Debbie | Apr 18, 2011 | Reply

  4. Thank you! This will be going on my facebook ASAP.

    Margie | Apr 18, 2011 | Reply

  5. Thank you all! Your support of my reality means the world to me.

    Laura | Apr 18, 2011 | Reply

  6. I wish I had possessed the courage to do what you are doing at your age. Perhaps things would be better for me now. It is a very difficult journey at best, that maze we call disability. Often I have begged for a map where there was none. I love you, Lynne

    Lynne | Apr 19, 2011 | Reply

  7. Lots of love to you, Lynne! We draw the map each day, each minute, in our own ways. Reality is hard stuff.

    Laura | Apr 19, 2011 | Reply

  8. Just saw the video. I love you

    Barbara | Apr 19, 2011 | Reply

  9. Oh, my Favorite Relative, I love you, too, and you have always been so amazing. Thank you!!!

    Laura | Apr 19, 2011 | Reply

  10. Laura: I cannot tell you how much this post meant to me. My dear friend Andy passed away recently, and this was the side of him he never showed to any of us. Not his friends, his brothers, his parents. This is a beautiful post, absolutely beautiful and powerful and true. You are one of the bravest women I know…you are the voice for many. :)

    Shari | Apr 19, 2011 | Reply

  11. Thank you so much, Shari. It is wonderful to see you here! I am sorry to hear of Andy’s passing. I remember how much you said he meant to you and Josh. This blog is for all of us.

    Laura | Apr 19, 2011 | Reply

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